“Time is the nimblest of God’s Magicians. While robbing us of life it keeps us grinning with its promises. It is difficult to evoke a vanished love affair. A little pain stands guard at the gate of memory and speaks, “Keep Out.” I heard this whisper as I was thinking about my romance with food. I hauled up my battered resolutions and broken campaigns and with pen instead of scalpel, performed a post-mortem that would make the most anal of forensic pathologists proud. The results of these desire less times are documented and come to me like an erasure of identity. When they come, the day has no meaning or shape and the future seems dim and dead as the past.”

“I feel in control as long as I’m losing weight. For about two months I lost only around 5 pounds. It was depressing. I was having thought that perhaps I would not lose anymore weight and not be able to meet my goal. I found that I was not eating enough and my diet was not as balanced as it should be. Keeping a food diary once again made me see that. It was knowledge and information that I was lacking. Becoming proactive on my own behalf has been difficult because I’ve always taken care of others and not taken care of myself. So this is new and for now, until it feels natural, I have to MAKE myself think of being responsible and accountable for my own health and well-being.”

Just recently I started losing weight again, so now I feel better about myself. I look forward to the day when losing or gaining weight has nothing to do with how I feel about myself as a person. My emotional goal is to “find the sweet spot”… that place where I’m no longer obsessing about my weight and finally being at peace with it.”